Some Disenchanted Evening

New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights. ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

 

It’s New Year’s Eve evening, and it’s been a year since I’ve even written anything on this blog.  I’ve been busy.  Really busy.  I got married this year, and I was planning it for a long time.  It took up a lot of time.  Anyone who has planned a decent sized wedding will tell you that it takes up some time.  Since I’m a crafty girl, my time was taken up with a lot of wedding crafts, can we say 16 foam pumpkins got intricately carved with a Dremel tool, among other things.  It was fun, but it was lots of work and I’ve been busy.  Too busy.

The wedding was Oct. 26, and after the wedding was a great honeymoon week in Disney World.  We had  a lot of fun.  But after being so busy, I’ve been really tired.  Wedding, honeymoon, dog sitting, Thanksgiving, Christmas…and here we are, New Year’s Eve.  And where am I?  I’m tired after being so constantly busy.

But I’m done with being busy, or at least busy doing other things for other peoples.  A wedding is a party, and all parties are really for other people, not so much for the planner.  So I’m done with that.  I’m also done with making time for things I don’t feel like doing, things I feel obligated doing.  I don’t want obligations anymore, or at least I don’t want needless obligations.  I’d like to be obliged to myself more.  Why?  Why not?

I sit here pondering my feelings about a lot of things, and lately I’ve found myself disenchanted with life in general.  The busy and tired lot that I’ve been, it has exhausted me.  I’m not seeing the wonderful magic in life anymore.  My soul isn’t happy, far from it.  Or maybe it’s just hiding in a closet trying to hibernate from the world of demands.  Yeah, that’s my soul at the moment, wanting hibernation.  However, I can’t let it hibernate.  Hibernation breeds more stagnation, and stagnation is always bad for me.

I feel dingy and icky, like I’m covered in slimy, stinky mud. I feel like my home is the same.  Cluttered mess upon cluttered dirt.  I feel suffocated under all the ick, struggling to breathe and see through the fog.  I feel I’m covered in toxic sludge inside my body.  I want to peel away this gross slime that is on me.  I want to shine again and feel whole, like I’m taking in a full deep breath of clean air.

So as the New year dawns upon us, I have to promise myself to make demands on my soul to capture the magic of life again.  To see the joy and happiness in everything.  In my year of busy, I stopped cycling, dog walking, taking time out for myself except on Monday mornings (more on that in another post).  I’ve just stopped doing things that make me over joyed.  Let me jump back into that pool of joy and enchantment this year.  Let me bow down to myself and worship my own self for awhile, pamper and treat it to happy things.  Yes, let me get on that very soon. But first, let’s lift a glass to the New Year.  Hooray 2016!

 

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photo credit: Enchanted Forest 12/45 via photopin (license)

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