photo credit: ecstaticist via photopin cc

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss

A long time ago, I realized I had this ability to make things happen and to get what I wanted.  I”m not saying I was spoiled, manipulative, or always got my way.  However, I could always count on things going well and getting the things I really wanted.  The first time I was truly aware of this phenomenon involved my first car.  Like any teenager with a driver’s license, I had my sights set on a new car.   All I wanted was a Dodge Neon.  They had just come out, they were cute, and they weren’t too expensive.  However, while in high school, my dream car just wasn’t meant to be mine.  Instead, I simply kept my dream alive and confidence of getting my car in my head.  Then one day  my mom decided to trade in a car that was on lease, I went with her to the dealership as just a ride along and wanting to look at the new cars.  That night,  I came home with my new Neon, happy as a clam and surprised at how it all worked out for me.  It was then I started to understand the power of my confidence and focus.

Later on, in my early 20’s, I’d had enough of the guys I had been dating. They were just not what I really wanted any more.  I was frustrated and getting jaded by every relationship, despite my constant hope and patience.  So I decided to make a conscious attempt at using my power of focus and wrote out a list of traits I wanted in my next guy.  I thought about this list a lot over the course of a few weeks, changing and tweaking it as I thought more about it.  After I had it almost perfect, I quit thinking about it and put it in the back of my mind.  I simply kept my confidence I would find someone to fit the profile, but I didn’t really look.  In fact, by that point I was sick of dating and had written it off for awhile.  And then one fateful night, I ran into a guy, started talking, and he was wonderful.  After a few dates, I noticed how much he fit my chosen profile and more.  Nine years later I’m engaged to him, and he’s still wonderful and good to me.  No, he’s not perfect, and some days I feel like maybe I should have tweaked that list a bit better to include some other things, but for the most part, he’s great.  (What I find annoying is how I can’t find that list anywhere.  I know I wrote it, I know where and when I wrote it, but I can’t find it in any journal or notebook.  It’s like it has mysteriously disappeared.)

I’ve used this “power” many times since then, most notably when I got into massage school.  That took five years of searching for a school and finding the resources to get in, but I never wavered in my confidence to do it.  I’ve used it to find jobs that I wanted.  My current position is the result of it.  I also use it when I’m planning something that I want to go well or to gain something I want, like money to pay bills or a vacation.  I don’t always get what I want and life isn’t perfect,  but it comes in handy.  What I’ve learned from it is to have faith and confidence that everything will come together when it needs to be done.  I’ve learned to have patience and not doubt so much. I’m learning not to worry about things.  Those are hard lessons for anyone to keep in mind and believe in, much less use daily.  

I think the book The Secret is about this, but I’ve never read it, so I don’t know what it says about it.  I’m sure there have been a lot of New Age and self help books that talk about this manifestation ability.  And of course there is the Bible that talks about various ways of having the faith of a mustard seed to move mountains.  It’s easy to see why it is such a popular idea.  It’s about getting what you want or need and being happy. It also appears easy to do.  Just think about what you want and have it happen.  Who doesn’t want that?  But I think it’s a lot harder than that, despite the ways I have already used it.  Keeping faith, hope, and confidence is difficult when that which you need or want keeps slipping away from you for various reasons.  It’s hard to think everything will work out when the rest of your world is falling to shambles, you’re almost getting evicted and losing your vehicle, and your job just got taken away.  But even through those tough times, I’ve had to hold on to the fact that everything would be OK in the end.  And sometimes I do lose faith in myself.  (I have a whole other story about that and massage for later.)

Now that I’m trying to find a way to break out on my own and build up a private clientele, I have to remind myself of this manifest destiny power that is mine to wield as needed.  I have to keep up my confidence and my hope, be strong in my convictions and intuition.  It takes work on the inside and the outside of myself to get things like this rolling, to make them work as I need them.  It will also break me down a bit while also helping me soar.  However, I will keep up my internal visuals and making my lists to make this happen.  I know it will work, and I know it will be OK in the end.  Of that, I’m very confident and sure.