Staring at the Sun for Truth

Art by Josephine Wall I picked out a long time ago that now hangs in my Sanctuary.

Art by Josephine Wall I picked out a long time ago that now hangs in my Sanctuary.

The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.  ~Henry Miller

When my fiance and I started house hunting, we knew we wanted a three bedroom house.  It was just the two of us, but those two extra rooms were needed.  It wasn’t because we wanted kids (we don’t), and it wasn’t because they were to be guest rooms.  They were our peace rooms, or peace keeping rooms.  I knew we would both need our own space to retreat to at any time, and I wanted to make sure we got it.  So his room turned into the office and his personal library. Mine started out as a massage room, but has become my office, and even more than that, my sanctuary.

My room was the first room that was painted in our house after we moved in.  We didn’t waste much time with that decision.  It was previously a nursery that was painted  rubber duck yellow, complete with yellow ducky curtains that had been left by the previous owners.  I’m not sure why I picked this room over the other one.  They share a wall and both have windows facing the front of my house.  And yet this was the one that called to me, so I listened.  Later when it came to the choice of paint, all I knew was I wanted it to be green.  I wanted it to be a moss green, invoking a sense of zen and relaxation.   But that didn’t come to pass.  Instead it somehow ended up being what I guess could be called a jungle/mint green color.  I think I must have gone through 8 color swatches on my wall before getting drawn more and more to this color that was nothing like I had imagined or even liked before.  Then, with a simple choice, I chose it and painted my room with it.  I remember that after we were done putting on three coats, I was a little displeased, but I wasn’t about to say anything like that to my tired and paint covered fiance.  I figured I would just see what would become of my opinion.  Slowly the color grew on me, inch by inch.

After the room was furnished with my bookshelves, cabinet, and a papasan chair for reading, I honestly gave little thought to the color.  The color was OK and it didn’t offend my sense of sight, nor did it annoy my private clients or guests. If anything, I kept getting compliments on how peaceful the room felt and how it was nice.  So I didn’t think about changing it anymore, and life went on.

One day I was looking at my room and decided it was time for some sort of color scheme other than white trim, green walls, and wood veneer furniture.  I didn’t have a plan, but I did have some extra cash, so I went out shopping.  After a few stores, I came home with bright blue/turquoise and bright lime green pillows,  a lamp that was lime, turquoise, and brown, and a turquoise throw.  I tossed it all together and suddenly had a room.  The oddest thing was it all somehow matched.  The lime green didn’t clash, the turquoise blue brightened the blue in the paint.  No planning and it actually worked.

A couple of months after my shopping trip, I was reading in my papasan chair and had the blinds open. I looked up and noticed the sunlight on the walls.  It was pure autumn sunlight, unfiltered by the tree that normally blocks most of the sun.  Upon looking at the sunshine on this odd green color, I was filled with such peace and happiness.  I looked around the room, seeing it filled with sunshine and joy in the paint.  It was like a slow motion moment in a movie when the main character realizes some great truth.  I had just seen what the room had been calling me to do the whole time, to create peace and sanctuary in my mind and home, a place where I could just be happy and safe.

Seeing the late afternoon sun coming through my window is now my favorite time to be in my room.  Just sitting in the room and contemplating the present moment, enthralled by the color and sunshine, makes me feel such peace and joy that I can’t keep myself from smiling.  I suddenly feel like life is going to be OK, and that I’m going to be as great as my soul aspires to become.  It’s one of the best feelings, and it all came around from picking a color I didn’t like, by just going on a feeling it was right.

Today, while contemplating how I might start my own successful massage business and how I don’t have a clue how to start such a scary venture, I suddenly noticed the play of sunshine on my walls.  The memory of how I designed my room came back to me.  It dawned on me that I had no clue what I was doing when decorating and building my room to its present state, but I followed my intuition to create one of my favorite places to find peace and happiness.  I’m sure someone would argue that it’s fluff and that building a business is hard work, and I would agree about the hard work.  Yet I think my own intuition was saying something to me as well to bring up such a random memory while I was thinking about something so heavy.  Maybe I just need to follow my “gut feeling” and just make some decisions regarding how to get started.  Also, I think I shouldn’t have any fear with this path I’m following, that it will be OK in the long run.  It’s time I built another part of my world that is serene and gives me joy and happiness. It makes me wonder though. All this time I’m staring at the sun, is it blinding me to truth or bringing light to my inner eye?

A statue I bought while at a massage retreat, up against my green wall.

A statue I bought while at a massage retreat, up against my green wall.

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